As I place my head upon my pillow

I reminisce throughout the night

I remember his hands

Rough and worn

An oil scent shaded with black

The color of work

Filling each line

Like they knew the path to something

As it got colder

I remember being caressed in his warm embrace

Filled with such tenderness and love

Most of all

It was a hug with such care

I remember it didn’t last that long…

I hung up the phone without a second thought I should have…

Talked longer but I didn’t…

Because of this I felt a pain indescribable…

I can’t correlate it to much except the fact that it was

Agonizing…

Excruciating…

Maybe the closest I could compare it to was the pain of a knife stabbing my heart

because I knew my loved one was gone.

It was the pain of not knowing this terrible thing would happen.

Wishing I said I love you again and again.

Wishing I hugged him a little bit longer that morning before he left.

One moment he was here then within a blink of an eye… he was gone

Forever… never to feel his hug, never to hear his voice tell me I love you.

All it took was two hours less of sleep a long day of working in the sun a long drive to get home

Just add that steering wheel

You never know what will become

But no matter how angry I got

how much I cried how loud I screamed how much I hyperventilated

it did, nothing.

I may have thought you were ripped away from me unfairly…

they say life is nothing but a memory but truth is you are more than a memory

You are a hard worker You are the one who spoiled me rotten

You are one who inspires me to be the better person

And focus on the positive things in life

You are one of the most important people to me

You are in a better place with no suffering

Your hug is with me even when the physicality of it is absent

You are the one I called dad

You are and will always be apart of me

You are Allen Yau Chuck Kahawaii

I love you daddy.