More Than Paper

I KNEW WHO I WAS AND WHO I WAS NOT

I was a simple human being full of grotesque hatred and self pity

That I was an insignificant waste of space not possible of anything

That life sucked so what’s the point of living

I strived to fade away into a black abyss

The slits on my wrist composed a manic melody to soothe my aching soul

The tear stains on my cheeks became a permanent makeup and my heavy burden of a heart

Was there to just lock up and never let free

I WAS DEJECTED BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TOLD ME

That when you grow up there is not a damn soul

There to pick you up when you fall and kiss it better

No one ever told me that when you are alone at night your thoughts will try to drown you

Like the sea’s most heinous tsunami crashing a sailor’s ship

And no one ever told me that the pills routinely shoved down my throat

At perfect doses would slowly but surely kill me

As I swallow bottle after fucking bottle so I would feel nothing

I SUPPOSE THAT’S ALL A PART OF LIFE

people change life gets rearranged

I WAS DELIGHTED BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TOLD ME

That I’d be the one strong enough to pick myself up

No one ever told me that when a tidal wave of emotion hits me

That I’d go down in history as the bravest sailor to ever sail

And I wouldn’t be where I am today if someone ever told me

As my life is slipping through my fingers that I’d be powerful enough to push through it because it always gets better

I KNOW WHO I AM AND WHO I AM NOT

I am a complex human being full of love and beauty

I am not an insignificant waste of space but rather there to change it with passion

That life does not suck infact it is stunning

From fading away to shining brighter than all the cosmos combined

I am not the slits on my wrist

I am not a tear stained cheek

I am not a burdened heart

I am free and more than I’ll ever be able to put on paper