Mosaic

Location

My body was my battleground. My skin parted like the Red Sea, and a surge of life came flooding over me. Dusk looked like the bruises on my bones. The war between mind over matter was never ending and some days all I could do was rest. I knew that if I ran into the girl I was 10 years ago, I wouldn't recognize her. I couldn't recognize my own reflection even now. The girl looking back at me hid bodies in the bags beneath her eyes and the dreams she grew tired of chasing. Love me. Love me. Love me. Please don't leave me. My ribcage couldn't hold my heart; I needed someone to hold it for me. Fresh bandages clung to my hips and one lie left the breath from my lips: "I swear I'm fine." I told the same lie so many times, that even I could no longer distinguish fact from fiction. 

It wasn't until months later that I was brought back to life. It was a Tuesday. The sun had just started to shine and the sky had cleared just for me. I lied on the ground and wept. Hot tears stung my cheeks and I could feel the cobwebs clear my lungs. My swollen knuckles and frozen fingers clung to the ground, searching for their roots. "This is where you come from. This is who you are." The wind whispered in my ears and delighted to play with my hair. For the first time in a long time, my breath had been taken away. With it went all of my fears. I swallowed the lump in my throat and thanked all that was holy for my one precious life and for that days that demanded I live.

Flaws. Flaws. Flaws. Flawless. It was a Tuesday. My world clicked from black to blue, and my broken pieces finally fell into something new. It was never my mirror that had made me flawless, but rather my mosaic of brokenness. I am one of a kind. I am a masterpiece. I am full of flaws.  Only in darkness was I able to find my light.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741