Most of All Don't Forget

The sun welcomes my freckles.

The moon gently whispers hello.

The ink dries on my skin in levels.

My heart is a feather.

And yet sometimes;

I feel the air escaping

It forces itself inward

Until my lungs rushed

My senses are withered

and

The next Breath hesitates.

The color fades away.

In.

Out.

Breathe.

It’s not about the beauty outside,

Or the intellect that swelters inside.

It’s the experience, people, life.

The loss of control.

The itching and crawling

When all the breathing stops

It’s the tears that replace each gasp

And the shame,

guilt,

agitation,

fear,

And the loss for why.

It follows time

chases distress

And covers from reason.

It’s not as easy as…

“Calming down”

or...

“Pretending”...

I feel like a phony.

But the backlash sure doesn’t.

And then, when it all

Gets A Bit Too Much,

The strength I seek

Comes calling

"Breathe."

Laughter and tears and sighs.

Everything within my mind becomes

Without a silent thought,

And I’m never in a mindless drought.

They arrive before the first is shed.

The ones who hold out their hands,

And know your favorite lamb.

Supported by them, I can breathe.  

Without, I’m at a loss.

Breathe

I tell myself 3 times a day:

Breathe

Breathe

Breathe

I scrawl it across my wrist:

Breathe.

It’s not when I cried in class,

Or when I stayed away from mass,

It’s the reminder I force upon myself

The fondness they bring in every farewell.

It’s the loneliness that steals me away.

It’s The Darkness I have to evade,

Because while the boogeyman lives

Under the bed,

The real demons live right in our heads.

And I could rub at my tingling palms forever,

But warmth is not overwrought thoughts.

The live I’ve given and the choices I’ve made

When the breath has been stolen,

I just can’t stay.

Another Breath swollen...

My life has been conquered away

Far past drowning in a forlorn sea.

I’ve waited for more than i have stated

But there are those who persist;

Ones who refuse to dismiss.

This feeling I hate is squashed

By those who fill me with bliss.

And remind me:

“Breathe.”