Mother #3

Mother,

Do you know you are what holds me back?

It’s hard to control myself,

But you are the one who reminds me to bite my tongue

And I try,

I try so hard

But it’s like you don’t even see me anymore.

What must I ask forgiveness for?

I can only see you and all you do seperate from me

You don’t even know don’t know how to talk to me.

Why should I not be upset?

I have these ingrown regrets.

Mother.

Can’t you see I love you

Despite my oddity

And being this anomaly

I can only want to be

Someone who is not a burden

Hurting in silence

Crying by myself

Do you think anybody sees the real me?

Mother.

How can I not be better than all the others?

You do what you do because you love me

But this is not a phase

And though you raised a child

You bore a warrior

Soul made of human mistakes

Heart like a star's core

But, Mother

Why must I hold my tongue anymore

What is it for?

I can not ignore

The imploring from my subjects

You see I can’t be perfect

Because I’m not

Born human

Some part missing

And I love you  but sometimes it’s hard to show you

MOTHER!

SEEMEFORMEANDWHOICOULDBE

ALLTHATIAMANDALLIWANTTOBE

THISWORLDISUNPREPAREDFOR ME

ANDYOUSEEIT’SHARDTOREPAIRBONDS

LONG gone

My father is gone

And I’m the oldest one

The one who isn’t perfect

The one who wrote this and spoke this crying

My father is gone

And my sisters know now of the pain and the sorrow

That I have to wake up to tomorrow  

Knowing

How bad this world is

How bad my life is

How bad my mind is

And how my past is constantly haunting me

And how my future terrifies me always daunting over me

It’s exhausting honestly

I’ve awoken to being more broken

Mother

I never wanted it to happen this way

But I can’t let you be worried for me any longer

I have to be stronger

For you

For them

For me

I must grow more

Mom

I can’t hold out much longer

But I’ll do it as long as you hold on

Please hold on

Mom

I’ve changed so much

Do you know me

Show me where I went wrong

When did I fail you

Mom

Why does it have to be here I see failure

After being exceptionally gifted in everything I do

Why did I fail you

Mom

I love you so much

Do you know that?

I look around me

And find myself in your embrace

Best I could ask for,

Where did I fail?

Mom

I didn’t mean to destroy your life

Mom

I didn’t mean anything

Mom

please hear me

i wish you could hear me

but your a million light years away