A mother's confession

I keep telling myself that it's all going to be okay,

I keep saying  it's going to get better with each day.

But its all a lie.

How can I move on when I caused you to die?

There is no healing, there is no way to hide,

There is no justice for how you died.

The choice was mine,

It was I that cut your life line.

It was all me,

I wasn't ready to be your Mommy.

I wasn't prepared to care for an innocent child

Especially in this world that's so wild.

It was selfish and wrong,

Yet I still went forward and played along.

Now I'm here thinking of you,

Wishing that this reality was untrue.

I gave up on you way too soon,

I should've gotten up and left that room.

But I laid there and let them tear you apart,

Now I'm here with a shattered heart.

I will never get to see who you would have been,

But I will forever be responsible for this sin.

Everyday I think of you,

And everynight I cry in the presence of the moon.

I was supposed to be your mother,

But I turned into your murderer.

As confusing as it seems,

I still think of you in my dreams.

In my mind I feel guilty,

My soul feels empty,

And in the moments when I begin to cry,

It's because I'm thinking of you Sky.

No matter what anyone else thinks of what I've done,

In my heart I'm always your mom.

I know that you are up there looking down on me.

Someday will come and I will finally get to see,

The precious face of my first baby.

I will never forget you, no matter how hard I try

Mommy will always love her angel named Sky.

 

 

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