Much Duller Inside

O what a charming blue day!

Twittering birds had so much to say

But much duller inside,

where boredom did hide,

was a day in the dreaded place: school.

There they follow the rules and compete to be cool.

Boredom and strain haunted the halls,

students accustomed to crying in stalls.

It’s fine, it’s okay

Just try to get A’s.

Among the stress, this is where we try to find moments of joy,

we remember our childhood, filled with laughter and toys.

Though nostalgia's fog hazes the mind,

we still look back and try hard to find.

The memories where we thought the meaning of stress

was that we had to do chores and our room was a mess.

But now in the future, it's all been decided,

that we so dearly miss the young life that we guided.

This is the long process within the skull,

it is a vain attempt to light up the dull,

it's the train of thought when we realize how much we miss

the life we didn't deal with a tell and a kiss,

have a job that's too cheap,

or shrink back from taking a leap.

I shrunk back, but for not the reason you believe.

I keep it hidden, but I have a story up my sleeve.

The first year of high school,

my friends started to drive.

I too, was ready to strive

to be more grown up.

What happened soon after, could not be thought up.

I was standing at church, nearly asleep,

I was so tired, it was so hard to keep

my eyes from drooping, I started to sway.

(Standing like this, is not the right way).

I passed out.

My head hit the wall.

I hit the ground in a heap.

And I started to seize.

Epilepsy affects 1.2% of the U.S.

(that means 1 in 26 will get this illness).

I couldn't drive, swim, or ski.

I was restricted for my own safety.

I did well to hide my fearful heart,

I felt like I was missing a part

of a normal high school life.

It hurt like a knife.

I sat after sports for my parents to come pick me up,

I was mortified, I had had quite enough.

Aside from being annoyed ,

I got more afraid, knowing

one wrong seizure could kill me.

That is not something that should bring a child worry.

Depression, anxiety, they've hindered my life,

I've been suicidal, afraid, full of strife.

I hide in a shell or put on a mask,

I want it to change, I've been  meaning to ask:

what is the secret to get rid of this problems?

You think after all this time I would've solved 'em.

These fears make us want to freeze time,

we want to give up, quit on the climb.

But time moves forward like a river, unmoving.

This deep afraid feeling is due for removing.

As children we have almost no fear,

we'd get behind a wheel, closed out eyes, shift into gear.

But sometimes life comes and knocks us down,

often in fear and anxiety we drown,

we lose that voice of bravery we had when we were knee high.

Oh, how we'd love to go back in time.

We need to grow up,

take charge, and step up.

We had a great past but now we arrive

at a crossroads where we need to survive.

Do we dwell in our heads

and wait to be lead?

Or do we rise like the sun

and our worries outrun?

Memories, nostalgia, epilepsy.

It's time to grow up, glow up, put issues behind me.

I know I'm no longer young,

it's unsettling, I live among

people who hate, judge,mock

they just want to put down the people they're not.

The stigma that we're scared to grow up should be revised.

People who grow slowly and are criticized,

should feel like they belong.

They've done nothing wrong.

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Our world
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