To My Aching Head

December 9, 2017

It was Valentine’s Day of 2013

when I began wishing you would

vanish into an endless black hole.

I lied in a hard hospital bed, with wires

protruding from every inch of my body.

I cried in pain and in fear of

this unforgiving migraine.

I know I will never be fortunate enough to live

without you, but I do not want to live

in constant pain with you.

You have stolen much of my adolescence,

confining me to my bed, leaving me breathless in a filthy

school bathroom, barring me from classes and back-to-school bashes,

or trapping me in an unwelcoming

hospital room or surgical suite.

Test after painful test I tried to remain

strong, even when my forehead was injected with toxins

to try and quell the pain.

Diagnosis after misdiagnosis I tried to remain

calm, even when they said I was incurable.

Failed treatment after failed treatment, I tried to remain

hopeful, even when I was left with a scar on my chest from

the port they were forced to insert. Eventually,

doctors stopped trying to make the pounding

go away. They gave up.

I did too.

This ache, this most nauseating ache,

has stopped my life.

You have lasted four long years,

And you will stay many, many more.

Nothing eases the pain,

this migraine

will follow me until my final breath.

With hatred,

Johna

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