Laying down on this pillow, staring at the wall
Thinking about how often pleasure has made me fall.
Like my first sexual boyfriend, he was a con
Cause I told him I didn't want sex and he STILL got some.
And it felt so good for those moments he was inside me
But afterwards the guilt of not waiting made me feel dirty.
And I can't blame him because after he would touch my spot,
I didn't have the smarts and willpower to tell him STOP
This was only the beginning of this painful pleasure, I can't resist
Cause this was worse than being an alcoholic
I'M ADDICTED TO SEX.
Fast forward a year, I'm starting fresh in a new state
Hoping that this time I can keep this addiction contained.
Meet a guy who wants to be my "friend," we all know how this goes
It's all a lie, a ruse, a trick to get me to take off my CLOTHES.
Then I start school, meet my first love. Sounds like my troubles are gone!
...But he was a sexual deviant, a beast;a DOG who treated me like his bone
Harsh with his words, quick to call you out in public; he was no angel. I know.
But when we hit the sheets, he released the fire in me. Made me his dirty little HOE
Sex was a part of our daily routine, we'd have issues if we didn't.
My sexual drive could only get high with the crazy places we did it.
But he was a LION, king of the jungle...
Free to violate me WHEREVER.
And I'd tell him it hurt. He'd feel bad for a moment, and of course he'd never
Stop hurting me cause he was in control, even if it made me CRY
Go home in pain, can't sit for days. Like a dove that can never fly.
I wasn't strong enough to defend myself,
...the pleasure was too much to lose.
Because of my addiction to this feeling, LOSING was all I'd do...
But in other news, I went to God to seek help for my pain.
And if it wasn't for him and the STRENGTH within I wouldn't be here today.
....But even now, as I stare at this wall, my desires only get more intense
And one simple TOUCH from any guy could be toxic, I'm way too sensitive.
Oh Lord, please stop me from going to that website that shows me what I want
I just want release, it's therapeutic you see! My mind in tainted with LUST.
Just one time is all I need, but that's what I said last time.
My hand is shaking expectantly with every line I RHYME.
The longer I wait, the more I can't ignore;
I'm like a newborn cub who wants to explore.
...But if I go too far, I know I'll get lost.
So I'll lay in this bed 'til my sensual fantasies are gone.
It's too dangerous to get up now, who knows what I'll do.
I might go through my contacts
....One at a time
And I'll be calling YOU.