My Beloved Monsters

I thought I knew how to write,

Until I was told to reflect on one thing I couldn’t live without.

I’ll try.

I’m in an intimate relationship

With three different people.

Three different people who I hate

Yet still couldn’t live without.

One of them is sad.

She takes up most of my time

and loves my attention.

She’s been wounded and bears scars

and knows she can’t open up her wounds if she

doesn’t want to bleed first.

She’s been tattered and torn

and must be handled with care,

Which sometimes I neglect to do.

She crawls into bed with me and tells me I’ll never be able

to get out.

She drains me and drags me around

Picks me up, gets me hooked

and reels me in

Just to throw me back again.

She’s tired and alone,

even in a room full of people,

and burdens herself with constant questioning.

The second one is angry.

She has a resting bitch face

and wants nothing but to be left alone.

She’s dangerous and threatening

and the one I hate the most.

I tell her all the time,

“Calm down, nothing’s wrong.”

But we all know how angry people hate to be told to

“Calm down.”

She’s full of hate,

bears bleeding knuckles and clenched fists,

a split lip and a sore body.

The last one is my favorite.

She’s calm and happy

And recognizes that you can’t get flowers without

pulling them from the dirt.

She believes the work might be worth it,

and thinks she has a future.

She can be dangerous,

always partying and socializing,

But she has her limits.

She’s “normal.” I envy her.

I know I’ll never be her,

but it’s always worth the try.

She gets me high for a while.

She lets me climb the ladder.

And then she lets me go.

These are my three companions.

They take me on a roller coaster ride,

Up, down,

Up-

side-

down.

It’s a journey.

Every day is different.

And it may sound crazy,

But I’m in a relationship with three different people,

they all make me toss and turn at night

and keep me in the tightest chokehold.

And although I loathe the thought of these three people,

I couldn’t live without them;

my beloved monsters.