my body

it began in 5th grade.

it was the first time a girl made fun of my body,

her words ringing in my ears,

i ran away with tears in my eyes

because my mom always told me

all bodies

are so beautiful.

but why did i suddenly

not love myself

after someone hurt me?

i wanted to hide away

from those hateful comments,

to hide from everything

that hurt me.

it never stopped.

the hateful comments like

fat

ugly

disgusting.

look mom i want to believe

that all bodies are beautiful

but everytime i look at my body

i only see the ugly

because

girls are cruel

and when I don't look like

the model with anorexia on all the billboards

i am less beautiful than her.

because

skinny is beautiful today,

and curvy doesn't compare.

because

boys like the girls 

with tiny waists

and long hair

and who eat celery sticks for lunch,

not the girl who

hides in the bathroom 

and eats her lunch,

pretending not to care about the calories.

because 

mom

society has only told me

that my body will 

never

be

good

enough.