My Broken Definition

Flipping to my name in a page in the dictionary

Would lead you to believe that my life is quite unordinary

From the time I was born to how my life is now

You’ll see that I’ve faced some hard times but overcome them somehow

I was not born by myself; I entered the world with a friend

So at first I was not lonely because I was blessed with a twin

We were six pounds six ounces and three minutes apart

My twin came out first so she already had a head start

She was beautiful and plump, crying like a newborn should

Three minutes later they expected I would

However, this is the beginning of the definition of my life

I was born silent and not breathing, my dad comforting his wife

Many seconds had passed and the miracle begun

I finally started crying; my parents’ faces lit up like the sun

I was the miracle baby with good fortune and good luck

But as my life moved on we were soon after struck

With the realization that the luck at the beginning of my existence

Was only temporary and would soon become past tense

If I were to name all the trials I’ve faced

Writing this poem, I would run out of pages

I will skip over the small things, but remember they happened

Because every story resulted in some sort of reaction

I mentioned earlier that I was born at the same time as my sister

We were technically identical but I always wanted to be her

She was spunky and fun and flawless too

I was sensitive and shy; a stage I’d never get through

I had more flaws than I could count on both of my hands

She had none of the flaws I had, which I couldn’t stand

The flaw I hated most was a birthmark on my thigh

I never wore shorts, if people saw it I would die

All the pool parties and fun summer outings

Were attended by my twin sis while I stayed home pouting

Not mad at my parents or anyone else

Just mad at God for making me different and mad at myself

I hated caring but I couldn’t let myself not

So I missed out on a lot of my childhood while the battle in my head was being fought

This battle is still going after three laser removals

It keeps coming back, I can no longer be hopeful

I have finally realized I will have to live with it no matter what

So I face my fear and in shorts or swimsuits, I nervously strut

This may seem ridiculous to you as it does to me as well

But this is a major trial I faced and throughout the years it has given me hell

As a twin, you are compared on your skills, looks, and actions

So this small mark on my leg was an enormous distraction

My twin sister has prettier hair, prettier teeth, and perfect skin

Leaving me feeling as if people saw me as the ugly twin

I struggled with this growing up and I still do

As you will learn later in this poem, I have a reason to

But for now, we will move on so we can stay in order

I will come back later to that subject of horror

When I was almost 3, my life once again became critical

I faced many sicknesses and complications that put me in the hospital

Pneumonia, Thrush, and Dehydration were the biggest three problems

My kidneys were shutting down; for a three-year-old this was uncommon

This was the beginning of the health issues of my life

I was born with a below average immune system; that is not a lie

I became used to getting sick no matter the season

Me and whatever was going around held abnormal adhesion

But it was at the beginning of high school when something new came along

After everything I ate, my body thought it didn’t belong

I would have cramps, and upset stomach, and vomit too

After eating things I had eaten since the time I turned two

I saw many doctors and had many tests and diets

There was never a diagnosis and I got tired of fighting it

I missed a lot of school and lost a lot of weight

I was having a hard time keeping everything straight

Then along came a boy who liked me no matter my circumstances

And this is the beginning of my not so great romance

He was tall and skinny and our moms were good friends

He liked me and I knew it but I’d ignore the messages he’d send

He was persistent so I decided to give him a shot

Maybe the worst decision of my life, but then again maybe not

Two years had passed and I knew he was unfaithful

But we were THE couple and that was everything in high school

I was forgiving and gave him chances over and over

He promised he was sorry and so I kept my composure

I stayed with him and he actually began to change

I trusted him more and our relationship maintained

I was so happy with him and as college grew nearer

We were going to attend different colleges but I had no fear

I knew we would last I had zero doubts

But a month before college came the huge fall out

It was July 4^th and we went to a party he had at his house

When he decided to be unfaithful once again, I looked stupid for having no doubts

But it was different this time; it wasn’t just a random girl

It was the one I spoke of earlier, with whom I entered this world

The one who I had always envied, the one who I was compared to

He chose her over me, which made sense in my head but was still hard to grasp onto

This brought back all of my old thoughts and self conscious ways

It crushed me and still does to this day

I feel as though I will never be good enough

My twin will always stand out and leave me behind in the dust

It is a year later now and I am still struggling

Every almost relationship I have now ends up crumbling

My mind takes over and reminds me of the past

And I cannot trust anyone; in my mind nothing will last

I’ve said goodbye to many good guys

That could have potentially helped change my life

They could have made it happier and help me forget

The part of my past that holds my biggest regrets

But my mind won’t allow it; no one can be trusted

If they ask to meet my twin sister, that’s when they are thrusted

Out of my life given no reason why

Because they could never understand so there is no sense in trying.

Earlier though, when I was saying how I gave him a shot

I said it was the worst decision, but then again maybe not

I have hope for this story that’s overtaking my world

Hope that it will in someway make me an all around better girl

I’m not sure how it could or when it would

But I refuse to believe that this was for no good

God has a plan and he knows what he is doing

I will be patient and wait; there is no sense in ruing

My health problems, self-consciousness, and regrets still exist

But I believe life will get better and my scars will be fixed

Be optimistic my friends and good things will come

I do not speak from experience, but positivity cannot be overdone

I skipped a lot of other stories that shape who I am

But as of now, these are the most relevant ones I could cram

So when you flip to my page in the dictionary, please do not be sad

Maybe the hand I was dealt in life just started out bad

Life is ever changing and I believe things will get better

If you are struggling with anything right now, don’t worry we’ll get through this together.