My Chaos

Chaos.

Inside me is chaos.

I cannot explain in words

the way it feels to be

so completely and totally

consumed

and possessed

and haunted

by the thoughts which swarm in my mind.

Outside I am collected.

Not a trace of the madness that lies within.

I hide behind the front of a sanity

I do not fully understand,

and a happiness I cannot truly feel.

I am a cage for the monster inside,

a parachute for my own lunacy,

which spirals out of control

until confronted by the breaks

of what little sanity I have left.  

No one need know of the chaos.

I know not if I am the monster,

or if I am the cage,

but it does not matter.

The filter through which you see me -

the shield between the chaos and you -

that is all you need know.

The rest is just too much.