My Constant Companion

I can't breathe. I'm alive and I'm awake and my body aches From holding my breath but I can't exhale. The fear consumes me, The panic tightening my chest. What if something happens? What if nothing happens? What if all these scenarios Rattling around in my brain Become reality, Become corporeal. What if my babies are hurt, What if the things I can't control Exact their cruel punishment on me For coming up with them in the first place. This isn't real, this is anxiety talking. My babies sleep soundly in their beds While my mind is screaming at me to check on them And to be sure they're still breathing. Because some babies die in their sleep Of no apparent cause And what if it happens to me? And I lay here awake, Playing it over in my mind, All the things that could go wrong in a given day. I'm so tired. I need sleep. But sleep evades me. I spend each day, Waiting for sleep, But then the insomnia hits me with the nightfall And I can't breathe again. Because what if. What if, In the morning when they rise, Disaster strikes Without a warning And there's nothing I can do To stop it. Stop it. Calm down. It's ok. We're all ok. Breathe... Breathe.