To My Dear Grandfather

To My Dear Grandfather

Memories of you will never fade,

No matter how much I may want them to.

Words you said still cut like a blade,

And your disapproval haunts me still.

This is how I knew you in life:

Cold, harsh, and ill,

Always causing so much strife.

The few moments of familial tenderness we shared

Are overshadowed by the disappointment in your eyes.

I always hope your love was simply undeclared,  

But that is a baseless surmise.

In your eyes, I saw blatant contempt.

Now that you are gone,

Loved ones desperately attempt

To repair the damage done.

They say that I was special to you,

That there was something different

About the way you viewed me.

I suppose I was the variant

Among the young ones.

I was not shy and I did not hide

My thoughts as my sister does.

I could never keep my anger inside

When you said something I did not like.

I was not frightened by your brusque attitude

Like my brother was when he was a tike.

I only shied away when I felt devalued,

Or when you began to get sicker.

But how am I supposed to believe them?

They would say anything to make me feel better

And save the relationship which you had already condemned.

But no matter the pain     

You caused, no matter that you put me behind your honor,

No matter how many time you put me out in the rain,

You were still my grandfather.

I still cried for you.