My Dearest Lost Love

Dear Lost Love,   I am starting with the fact I am sorry for my past behaviors. For some time, I lost myself and god my savior. I realize the way I acted was not right; I lost all goals and insight. I chose corruption and decided to no longer fight. With the weight bearing on my shoulders; I found it difficult to be a soldier. Though time has now passed and what we had is truly over; I need to write for full disclosure.   I am sorry you lost your best friend. Singlehandedly, I drove us to our descend. I know god has a plan; Though seems difficult to understand. We were not meant to work. Regardless; I apologize for causing hurt. In my spirit I became lost; My decisions came at cost. This letter is not an excuse; To make me feel better about my behaviors and drug misuse. Baring heavy pain in my soul; Time has come to fill the hole. I need to grow. Before the path I lead heads six feet below. Please know I am sorry James; For throwing what we had into flames. I am most of the blame for what happened to us. By becoming lost in drugs and causing mistrust.   Before I depart, I  want to acknowledge some things you had done. When my world was dark; you brought my life sun. Even on my darkest days; You never strayed. I became difficult to deal with. Even then, you looked at me as if I were one of gods gifts. Please know my heart bleeds true…. I sincerely love you. You rose me up; made me feel beautiful and gave me confidence. You helped me commence.  There is so much more I wish I could say. But that would not be fair to your new love; I will hold those thoughts and feelings at bay. Do know I am happy for you. Your true happiness was overdue.   I am sorry; so much I wish I could change. Primarily the fact I caused our love to estrange.    Love, Your lost but not forgotten love. -C. Jackson ©cc1994