My Demon

Stay calm

Breathe

Stop shaking

I think they can see me shaking

Did I stumble on my words?

What will they think?

I can’t stop. My thoughts swirl in my head like a tornado vigorously tearing apart a town. Anxiety is much more than fear. It is a demon that you eat and sleep with. It never goes away, not even for a second.

Tired

Why am I so tired?

Why can’t I go to sleep?

I need to go to sleep

What will tomorrow bring?

What is going to happen?

Laying in bed is the worst part. Dark and alone with only angsty thoughts pouring into my brain. Can’t sleep, can’t clear my head, can’t focus; why won’t it stop. Incessant worrying thoughts cloud my head as I stare at the top of my ceiling into the darkness. The feelings that accompany me I know too well.

Sorrow

Dread

Fear

Relentless

Hopeless

Crowds, terrifying crowds. Why must I give a speech to a sea of people only staring at me and focusing on me. Naked, that is how I feel nothing but my shaking voice. I want to run and hide and never speak again, but my career, my love, depends on getting through this. Medical school, straight A’s and a Cardiologist; these are my dreams and aspirations, but fear holds me back as if I’m chained to cement blocks drowning in the never-ending ocean.

Hate

Determination

Self-acceptance

Love

Although I struggle every morning to get out of bed and to face my demon, I have come to accept that my demon visits all my people and not only affects me but also everyone else. I am on the right track by opening up and seeking help with my anxiety and finding that my loved ones struggle as well. My demon has taunted me for years now, and I am determined to prove that he cannot, will not, affect me any longer.