I wake up in the morning and honestly I don't have the strength to move.

But I do.

There's so much I've been hiding from everyone for several years. 

This is why you don't understand.

 

Hun, my depression is a tear in my own heart.

I can't even be happy anymore. 

My own therapist tells me that she thinks I have a more of a serious problem.

Do I?

I don't know anymore.

 

I just feel like I'm never going to be okay.

I feel like a constant mistake.

I'd be lucky enough to just be happy for even a few hours.

I'm constantly hurting.

I don't know what it is and I don't want to do this anymore.

 

"You don't understand," they say.

What do you mean "I dont understand?"

 

I understand more than you think I do.

I understand the pain that I feel at night.

I understand what it's like to cry myself to sleep every night. 

I understand what it's like to sit in my own chair and write just to keep these thought out.

I understand the torture that a person goes through.

That a mind goes through.

That I go through.

 

I'm drowning in my own tears.

In reality It's getting harder to breathe.

And honestly I don't know how to cope with all this anger in me.

 

I'm hurting and I just can't do this no more.

I'm breaking and all I'm doing is falling apart.

There's nothing here for me anymore.

And nobody wants to listen.

 

I really don't want to wake up in the morning.

I don't want to go on through-out the day around people because I'm scared.

I'm scared of so many things and I just can't get over myself.

I'm scared of how people see me. 

I don't want to cry anymore.

 

But

 

My depression captivates me in my self hate.

My depression makes me think that no matter what I do I just won't be good enough.

My depression is a shape shifter. One minute I'm happy and the next I just want to die.

My depression is like another form of captivity, that whenever I try to scream nobody listens.

My depression holds me captive like drugs hold the mind captive.

My depression is not wanted and I can not live another day in self hate.

 

My depression holds me captive and you're the one who don't understand.