my erratic thoughts of you

i sit staring at my phone,

i'm a little drunk actually, i'll admit,

i'm actually a lot drunk,

i drink too much,

i've been drinking too much lately.

i sit staring at my phone,

thinking about us together and how good we used to be,

how you used to be and how to used to make me feel,

and how the world is so big that, unless i text you,

i will never see you again

because you live there and i live here,

and how that was never an issue when we were together,

but now, it feels like our worlds are so separate that they will never overlap again,

unless, i text you

to tell you i miss you, that i really miss you.

i miss the way i felt around you, i miss the way you made me feel about myself

and i miss the person that you saw in me, 

i miss the joy i saw you feel in having me and i miss the joy of you being mine

i want to say, breaking up with you is the only thing i regret,

i want to say, that i regret saying no when i was too scared to say yes

that i was a dumb kid and i should have known better.

I've done some dumb shit in my life, but this is my only regret

and i think about it all the time

the truth is, no one else comes close.

So do i text or not?

whats the worst that could happen?

but i have learnt that people are much more cautious that we are in the movies,

we don't put ourselves out there, we just don't.

and you're probably not even thinking about me at all

are you?

imagine if you are. You're not. You're probably not.

i'm glad i got this off my chest in some form, because i never sent that text.