To My Ex-Lover

To my ex-lover,

or, perhaps, “lover” is too generous

You were my friend first, and then we were more.

And even though we lost contact, we came back to each other

and that, I thought, showed we were meant to be with one another.

Your chocolate eyes and tanned skin drew me in towards a life of sin

And I couldn’t seem to escape this box you put me in.

You blackmailed

You manipulated

You lied

You abused

A week after I had given you my everything,

I found out the truth.

I wasn’t your only “love”, nor the one you put first

I was second, and that wasn’t the worst

I remember the feeling of your hand hitting my cheek when I defied you,

And I remember the fear that took over me soon.

I remember telling you “I don’t want to,”

And I remember you ignoring that, doing whatever you wanted to.

I remember me falling apart in your arms, sobbing, asking for you to promise not to hurt me again.

You did -

And I remember how, weeks later, you had done it again.

I went back to you, time and time again, only God knows why.

You’d broken me inside and out, yet it took so long for me to say goodbye.

You took over my mind, my heart, my soul

And the heartbreak began to take its own toll

The last time I let you control me, I took a blade to my skin

But I would never do it again

I broke your curse I knew all too well.

I put an end to this vicious cycle, this spell.

When I found my true love, who treated me beyond great,

My mind would fill with your words of hate.

Innocent actions that held no ulterior motiveStill triggered my insecure emotions.

The doubt, the suspicions, the issues I acquired from you

Would control me no longer - not now that I knew.

I don’t need you or your evil mentality

And I don’t need the comfort of a cycle

I deserve more, I deserve this - I deserve love, and deserve it from him.

From your ex-victim, now freed