my eyes

My eyes used to shine so bright but then it changed.

Time passed

days, weeks, months a year had gone by.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled with ease.

Everything was black so I painted my wrists red

in hopes that it would bring color.

I became addicted to the pain

because that meant I felt something.

I didn’t know that it could get any worse

until it did.

Every breath got heavier and harder to take.

It had been three years

I was not okay.

But then I was.

They said fight and I fought like hell

Everyday was a new battle but each of these scars is a demon that I conquered

I won’t lie when I tell you it was scary

I won’t lie when I tell you it was hard

I won’t lie anymore about being happy

I looked at my therapist and said we did this and she said no you did this

I did this me me me like a three year old showing off I will boast

And I will be damned if I let anybody take that away from me

They say “you look so good”

They say “wow look at you so healthy”

And you work for this you live for this

They say “you have a beautiful smile” and they are right I do

I no longer see myself as my diagnosis

[severe depressive disorder]

[bpd]

[severe anxiety]

These are no longer what hang above my head

Instead my labels read

[beautiful]

[educated]

[unique]

[talented]

And I am these things I can be these things I am whoever I want to be

My eyes they shine so bright