My Father

He loves me when it's easy.

He comes back from a long day

and all I can do is shrink

so I am not caught in the rage

that floods him.

He shouts words

that compel me to try again.

"You need me"

"I deserve your love"

He tries so hard to be a gentleman

on the surface

but he comes home and forgets.

The excuses come rolling in

"I'm tired"

"I'm depressed"

"You don't do enough"

"You stress me out"

"I'm trying my best"

I want to hate him

but I can't

because sometimes he will look at me

and tell me something I long to hear:

"I love you"

"I'm so proud of you"

And, for a split second,

I feel safe in his arms.

But the day ends

and then I feel his hatred

all over again.