My Father's Dancing Pencils

To Ferdi Simon,

You play with pens and pencils

Then they play with each other

Muffled talks comprise the symphonies

As the lead is flowing through the paper.

Coupled with melodious poundings,

Your fingers cheer and laugh to the close of the play

I hear them nearly every night and day

Through your lassitude,

Through your ambition,

Through your pain. 

I’m the bystander of your imagination,

Of your trust in me.            

Strenuous physical and mental labour

Is what you’ve been struggling to do, I see

I want to share it with you,

Gain perspective,

from taking your pain,

Fill the gaps, complete the fragments,

But still at the end of the day,

I’m spinning around in circles,

 Or in the corner watching you

You and your dancing pencils.

I can feel it creeping up,

In the quiet I feel your promises,

That you really mean them,

You know exactly what I want,

You keep them locked up underground.

You are who I need, even when you don’t need to be

I’ll be who you need, everything I’m meant to be

I know you keep your dollar bills,

Whilst trying to fill all of my missing pieces,

And that you keep them safe,

For my future

For me.

Filled with hope, and pain, and life

Showing darkness, not just the light

It is not you to have me as the one,

Dad I’m sure that it is me,

Me to have you as the lucky one.

I listen closely to your words,

A crowd of emotions, words that lack definitions 

I want to hide you away my dear,

From the truth that’ll set me free

That you are my only motivation

You have, for all of your life

Instilled me the importance of education

What I can, I must, I have to do

 For you is my inspiration.

Want to tell you things that are hard to let out,

But even harder to hold on to.

But nothing feels like the movies,

So I won’t wait for the world to hear me,

When everything is made to be broken,

I will let my desire to strive,

Become the independent, strong woman who inspire,

Care,love and give as much as you have given to me.

I just want you to know how thankful I am to you,

Crossing my heart on your dancing pencils,

I will never let your trust fade away with me.

I love you more than anything dad.