My Father's Galaxy

I stare up at the ceiling,

Up at the star stickers my Father placed,

So I could dream in outer space.

These dreams would take me to a place

Where everybody felt happiness

When I was at my happiest

And since the stars have lost their glow,

Above I looked from down below and saw,

That they were growing old and weak…

I would come home from school and find the stars

Lying on my safe haven

Now their deathbed

Falling on my chest as I lay here distressed

Without the stars I began to hide

Under the covers, wide awake, sleepless late at night

It was then the things I couldn’t see

The terrifying monsters

They had to be there

They just had to be

And I suppose my imagination got the best of me

See I would climb out of bed

Running to my bedroom door pounding yelling

“Mommy, Daddy, they’re coming for me!”

I felt scared, I saw no protection

And without the stars I couldn’t sleep

Yet I’m still unable to see because I’m too blind

I’m oblivious to a lot of things

I can’t think fast enough

And I have a stutter

Because I’m too scared

Too nervous about saying anything

And I’m always wrong, no matter what conversation

That’s why i say i don’t know, because I’m always the one who remembers things wrong

Look at me

I am so lost without the stars

The ones outside don’t feel real to me

Even though I know the angels are there

I just wish i could see them as they see me

I wish everyone believed

But then again

Their life is theirs

I need to enjoy mine

So I won’t tell you how to live it

That place in my stars, on the ceiling, was called Heaven

And without the stars, without the angels above me

Protecting me

I was too vulnerable

I couldn’t fight for myself

I’ve never been able to fight for myself

I carry a cross around in my pocket because I’m scared

I admit it

I’m still scared

The monsters don’t come out for me in my room anymore

No

I see them everyday

And I called myself a Christian

As a way to scare them off

But I didn’t know really anything about my Father

All I want to do is make you proud

I refuse to use forgiveness as an excuse to sin

I’m a hard worker

Let me be reborn with purpose

So that I can do good unto others

So that someday I will be the stars

And I will see your smile God

This isn’t about getting to Heaven

This is about making you proud

It’s about changing people’s lives for the better

I felt the change

I’m sorry it took so long to realise that all I need was you