my fault

I won

I did it again

but if I tally their scores my failures out measure my winnings 

I cannot feel a moments success

because of one failed test

my emotions don’t come in waves no

sometimes I wonder if i feel anything at all 

I do of course

I feel angry

Disappointed

And then nothing at all

Nothing except the pit of my empty stomach because the teachers’ lips turned down

I am so full of self hatred 

That i convince myself nothing is my fault 

To keep from completely falling apart

Because it is

It is all my fault-cc.