My First Friend, My Enemy

Dear James,

 

You were my first friend and my first enemy.

I’ve loved you, hated you, and everything in between.

Our friendship has been rocky but I think I’m better for it.

I think you are too. 

 

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for disappointing you,

Because that’s the reason our fights have been

So heartbreaking for me.

It wasn’t about you being an asshole

Or trying too hard to impress the cool kid, 

It was about me not being good enough.

And you were right, I wasn’t.

 

We’ve always clicked intellectually

But you’ve always been a step ahead socially.

I’ve always been a little too immature.

You’ve taught me a lot about what I need to fix in myself,

And I’m thankful for that even though

In the moment it always meant hurt feelings.

 

Stay smart, please don’t do anything too stupid.

I’m worried about you.

 

If we say goodbye and never see each other again,

I won’t look back.

But if you ever want to talk,

I’m happy to.

There have been times when there was no one I wanted to talk to more.

 

Here’s to those times. 

 

Love,

Your friend