My Guard Is Always Up

I sit here in the corner not wanting to breath

I feel like I have no one here to protect me

Hearing my mother scream and shout

Makes me wonder what I am about

I try to fight away the tears

But all they do is break free

I put on a smile and pretend to be happy

But all it does is tears me apart

I don’t have a dad to tell me it will be ok

All I have is my dreams to bring me fear today

My mom says I do not respect her

I have a hole in my heart and it won't heal faster

I lye in bed hoping not to wake up

but every morning I put on a mask and pretend my life is gallup

I ask myself, will I ever be happy?

But right now it is crappy

Thinking my mom does not love me

Hurts me more than expected

Should my life turn around for the better

I hope so,but I wouldn’t bet on it

Where I am right now is with my guard up

Not letting anyone get a look

I won't share my life with others,

but I dread some might see

I cry myself to sleep

And pretend to be free from this world we call our home