My heart was happy when I was 5 years old

 

My mother use to say that

My heart was a kingdom

 

That one day it would be filled with joyful memories and soundless melodies of a boy who made me feel warm and beautiful.

 

But what my mother didn’t know was that I would spend my whole life searching for that boy to fill my kingdom

 

What she didn’t hear herself say was that the only way I would feel beautiful was if that boy let me

 

What she didn’t see was that I believed her words so much I would let all the guys in the world have my kingdom until I found the one who would fill it to the top with love

 

Now my heart is tired

 

Tired of letting people in

 

My heart is life a fast food bag

When you first get it you open it up wide

You explore it

You learn what it has to offer

 

But when it’s empty

And there is nothing left to discover

It gets crumbled

And tossed aside

MY heart is Aching

 

From all the lies and betrayal

 

My heart has seen its fair share of beauty and love

 

But my heart has also seen its fair share of defeat.

 

I first met him in my english class

He told me I had pretty eyes

Then he walked off

 

I knew love could happen fast because thats how I felt about him.

 

He understood that I had trust issues

He said he would wait until I felt comfortable

 

When I finally did let him in

He told me my heart was beautiful

 

That I had nothing to be ashamed of but instead Everything to be proud of

 

So I called my mother and said

 

“Mom I met a boy...”

 

I told her that he made the freckles on my cheeks dance

That he made my skin feel tight

 

That thinking about him made the hair on my arms stand so tall it Touched Beyond The Sky

I said

“Mom, he makes me feel warm and beautiful...”

She said

“Good for you honey, I hope you’re happy.”

Then hung up

 

My mother didn’t remember what she said to me when I was 5

 

She didn’t care that it had brung me down for so long

She didn’t remember

 

I brought him home for christmas

He met all my family and said they were a joy

 

My mom asked him if we were serious

he replied

“If being in love is serious, than darn, that’s what we are.”

 

He asked me to move in

Without a haste I said “Yes”

 

It’s like my conscious didn’t even exist instead love had taken it’s place

Infact love had taken all the spaces in between my bones and fiber and made them happy

 

It had made my heart happy

For the first time since I was 5

My heart was happy

 

The first couple of months were great

We laughed

We cried

We fought

 

Life was good

 

But then he changed

We changed

 

He had run out of things in my heart to discover

He had run out of memories to learn

He was bored.

 

My heart got broken at a coffee shop on main street

MY heart was told “It isn’t you it’s me”

 

My heart has tired of the excuses he was telling it

So my heart told my head to say screw you and leave

 

Now my heart is empty.

 

Not just because he broke it

But because everyone had

 

The guy from the gym

The guy from the bakery

The guy from english

The guy from work

MY MOTHER

 

My heart was to tired to take it anymore

 

So I wrote a note

I hung it on the fridge

It read “My heart says, I love too much.”

 

I flushed my phone down the toilet

Grabbed my bag and ran as far as I could

 

My heart was done so it left

Left everyone and everything behind because it needed a fresh start

You see

 

My heart hadn’t truly been happy

Since

I was 5