My Heart Shall Be My Judge

Sometimes I scroll down the never-ending newsfeed
of birthday posts
cute couples
loyal friends
warm happy families
of Life Events
realizations, stupid or life-altering
of sincere messages
sentimental sensational articles
of triumph
joy
platitudes
clichés

and sometimes I wish that I too had
something worthy to show to the world
for I'm a girl
quiet naïve clumsy
a girl who observes reads collects stories
helps people behind their backs
smiles and waves at strangers
plays with children rather than gossip with her peers
watches the clouds passing overhead
prefers notes to word
believes the magic beauty mystery
of life of love of man

but try try try as I might
I cannot put into a few pixels
a sunrise—
the stillness before
the freshness of the air
how the at-first indigo-purple glow is pushed out little by little by pink then red then orange
the calm anticipation
the surprise when white-yellow sun appears
and the hope it brings to a new day—
or a friendship—
the never-ending belly-aching laughs
the inside jokes
the surprise gifts just 'cause
the disagreements
and the reconciliations—
or love beauty magic hope.

For what matters is only seen felt appreciated by the heart.
And I,
I will only be judged by my own.