my life

Every day is a fight and no one sees me fighting, Nobody sees the anxiety, the shaking leg the lip biting. Nobody sees the scars or the pain and the hurt, Nobody sees me losing sight of what I’m worth. They don’t see my mental illness, they just see my mistakes, One thing wrong that’s all it takes. One wrong move one wrong grade, And all of a sudden I’m looking right at my blade. I want to get rid of it to throw it away, But it’s just so hard because the depression seems to stay. I just want someone who understands my mind, Or understands the fake smile that I hide behind. I don’t want to explain because I wouldn’t now where to start, Do I start with my thoughts or that sharp pain in my heart? I don’t know where to begin so I always say I’m fine, But there’s never any truth behind it because it feels like I’m drying inside. The moral of the story is that I am not okay, And I just want someone to talk to someday. Someone who can help and not judge my past, But at the end of the day I know that the pain will last. I feel so alone, as if I’m in the dark, Because everyone that left has left their mark. A mark on my heart and a mark in my head, That tells me I’m not good enough,that I should just die instead. But for now I’ll hold it in, keep my emotions inside. I don’t know how long for, how long can I hide? I don’t want to hide the truth, but I wouldn’t know what to say, So whenever people ask, I’ll always say “I’m okay”