My Life is known as My Pains

Dear Readers,

Everyone sees me as a happy person, that is easy to talk to and very understanding. What they do not know is the pain I go through, the neglection, the problems, and every thing I seem to go through. Everyone seems to "know who I am," and I let them think that but they do not know exactly who I am. I try hard to get through the family situations I have, trying to help provide since my father doesn't seem to help that much and my mother worries about keeping us in the house we live in. The disrespect my brothers give my parents and the fact that I stand up to them and I am the one in the wrong. The constant stressing to finish homework to get good grades while going around finding jobs to help my mother help me get through my college experience. I try my hardest to get out of here and to try to live life to the fullest and just get away from all this hate and trouble. I know I am built to withstand this and to help those in need but who is going to help me. I honestly seem lost and just want to break down, but the better side of me knows if I do that I have failed myself. I know I do not have anyone really there for me to talk to and to understand what is going on truly, but I know I have to succeed in life. All the struggles I go through now someone else is going through too, I wish I can meet that person or persons and just talk about what is going on. I wish I had friends that were real enough to check up on me and would understand what I am going through but the pain is too much to tell them what is going on. Everytime I want to reach out and just get help feels like someone is just tugging on my heart and stopping me from just pouring out. The pain I go through however helps me perform on the track, I run to get my mind off of things. No one knows why I run and I honestly do not know either, I do not know if it is for a person or for something but I just run. When I am running it is not only releaving but it is just incredible, that is because all the anger and sorrows helps me out perform and look like I am one of the best but I do not feel like it. That is because once I am off the track everything just comes back to me and I feel everything all over again. All the pain, all the distractions from getting to my next step in life just repeat and come back all the time no matter what. But life goes on and no matter if I have someone there for me to spill my guts out and if I am always just going to have it all bottled up. I am okay with it.

Thank you for taking your time on reading this,

Sincerely,

Joshua Jimenez