My Life with PTSD

Nothing about this is "normal"

Not a single bit "fair"

That my hands will always tremble

Even when someone loves me

Even when someone shows me care

It isn't something that goes away

Or something anyone can fix

It's not something to be forbade

Since it'll still be there every time the clocks ticks

Because I am not made of sugar, spice, and everything nice

As the stories say

More like broken glass, flames, cuts, and knives

Even though everyone thinks I'm okay

Every quick movement

Feels like a threat

From a time I knew a hand

Who swung with never a regret

Even when I am getting better

I still have sleepless nights

Even though I know I'm safe

I still live like my safety is a lie

I'll always remember the slamming doors

And the way the booming voice from the living room sounds

I'll always fell his hands o me

And the arms that got wrapped around

I still feel the counter, digging into my back

From when I was twelve years old

And my dad raised his hand

Over a spilt water glass

I still remember the fear

Of walking into my uncles house

He couldn't even blame beer

For why his hand went under my blouse

This may sound gut-wrenching

But imagine having to relive it

Even when you know you're safe

All it takes is one look, one smell, one glimps

For it to all come back and be real again

The memories, nightmares, and reactions aren't normal

It comes from my PTSD

And I wish I could make it go away or stop

But that's not an option

Because even when it hurts

This is my life and this is part of me