To My Lost Adonis

His hair is so gorgeous as I view him up close and far away. It is as brown as the bark on trees. His stature: he’s only a couple of inches taller than me, I still catch myself peering  up to make eye contact with him. He has dark, brown eyes that are alluring. They are eyes I could get lost in, but sometimes through these eyes; I see destruction and suffering. Your pain and frustration I can feel and view through your eyes.

I miss your embrace with your arms wrapped around me while we watched tons of movies and I would drift off into sleep, still holding your hand. 

I daydream of the days you would find your own way back to me. You would ask for me to hangout and catch up, and we would start talking about all of the thoughts rampant in our minds. Eventually we would tread in deep waters and talk about our past. I would say I miss you and then, your hands would drift  to my face and my hand would shift to your arms. And then, we would interlock lips and look into each other’s eyes and view the depths of each other's souls.

However this is just a fantasy. It will never happen, at least not again. We’ve split and grown apart. Two different roads. I tried to reconnect and build a new bridge between us but we have lost the essence of time. 

I’m running out of time to say anything: a goodbye, declaration of love, a reprimand, or even a dissertation, but none of those will fill that void of unsatisfaction and regret located somewhere in my heart. These complicated feelings could destroy our bridge of connection and understanding, but that bridge has already endured enough damage.

Communication and time are the only things I wanted to have when it came to you.

When I talk to you I struggle to brainstorm things because I know we have no time. My mind frantically rushes to a topic that I think will interest you. 

Even with these qualities, sometimes you make it hard to love and easier to loathe. You can be inconsiderate of me and my entire existence. You can be cruel to others and uncaring. Your slanderous tongue pierces my heart whenever you speak and when that happens it echoes in my mind every ticking second. How can someone so mesmerizing and insightful become so bitter and violent. 

Sometimes I question my sanity and peer into  my soul to examine the deep down contained inside of me. I peer into there and question who and what attracts me.