My Mental Illness

I toss and turn,

My stomach churns.

I must be prepared for turns.

Another day more burns.

I try to sleep but alas,

Insomnia has taken me to dance.

People say smile,

But I feel vile.

Lunch buried in fictional worlds,

Books, pages, words, feelings.

I dive deep just to escape.

But there is no one,

In a cape.

My mind goes blank,

I feel like an empty space.

Friends say I understand,

But they have nothing in hand.

Parents say you’ve got it,

But I have nothing by hand.

It feels like a lie,

But people it's a cry.

I crave for understanding,

But I receive staring and standing.

I play on r-repeat,

Not with a beat.

I'm not smart I understand,

But why so brazen.

I lag and r-repeat,

But not to your beat.

I may study,

While you guys congregate.

But jokes on you,

I like it that way.

I may be awkward.

But I guess it's my award.

Because I may be small now,

And extremely awkward.

But at least I know,

I’ve tried.

No, I don’t love myself,

But I do love others.

That's good enough for now.