My Mom

When I was a child my mom would call me fat everyday.

She called me ugly, disgusting and said that I would never get a husband.

“Cathy you will never be a pretty as me.”

Everyday!

Oh yeah, all because I wasn’t as skinny and conventional.

I never forgot it.

I remembered it every time I looked in the mirror when I was growing up

And there is still her voice in the back of my head.

It hurts me everytime.

So it may seem ridiculous, shallow or annoying to you that I dress up and ask you how I look.

Or it may seem rude when I compare myself to other women.

It may also be annoying that I smile, and act all cheery and loud,

But I do it so I can shut my mother up.

It’s all so I can convince myself that I am a good person.

That I am worthy.

I may never be pretty like her, but at least I can be beautiful and kind.