My Monster

Stealthily weighing, critically searching My mere presence is riddled with flaws. For such absurd behavior, people wonder What is the cause? I shake my head, i shrug and laugh but inside I'm filled with fear. I realize that I've lost control- their concerns I no longer hear. Breathing hard, I hear the gravel crunch beneath my flying feet. I haven't eaten for hours now but this victory tastes so sweet. Open the door: I'm greeted with an ugly, painful smell- One of which I fear the most; One i know so well. I wince and cringe and plug my nose, The smell of cooking food I loathe, I'm losing strength, i refuse to think Of the temptations brewing on the stove. The bedroom door is closed, I'm panting. Oh I feel such pain! My stomach turns upon itself And loudly growls in vain. Ignore this need, I must. I am stronger than this hunger. My eyes and hands alerted now, I smile and wait no longer. I reach under my bed and grab my best friend, my worst foe. Shaking, I press "on" and see the beautiful "0" glow. Oh, the addicting thrill! I step on eagerly. I close my eyes, inhaling deep, and whisper "1, 2, 3..." I squint one eye open, cautiously, and gradually look down. My heartbeat halts, I cannot breathe, Oh, hear the chorus sound! At last! A smaller number I've not seen, smiling up at me - much lower than before; I realize willpower is key. I turn my head and look at my beaming, giddy grin. I see my bones and drooping eyes, but still I am not thin. Transparency gives me away, I feel. My translucent, paling skin reveals not just the skeleton I am but the corruption occurring within. The goal, the dream, so close and yet so far it sometimes seems. I've just lost weight, but with it I've lost all my self-esteem. Confused, I stand there for a while. I'm still not perfect yet, but soon maybe I will be and the person staring back at me I'll forget. A new goal's made immediately. I smile and know I'll feel sensational then. I must start the progression now, and surely I will win! Hours elapse, I'm breathing - harder now, the exercise fatigues. My vision clouds, my limbs go numb, I fall down to my knees. I wake up momentarily. "This has to stop!" I scream, but that same night, I fall asleep and of my goal I dream. I lie here thinking, "Is it worth such consequence and stress?" My body's yelling at me "no" but my mind is shrieking, "YES!"