My Nightmare Disorder

He is not my 2 a.m. thoughts. I despise thinking.

I fall asleep as fast as I fell for him. In hopes that he lives in my subconscious, being my predestined sweet future, my dream come true, or alternatively, my despairing beautiful past, my living nightmare. In the present, he is undeniably absent.

So unfortunately, I would rather feel the ecstasy of the sadistic delusion of him, than suffer the emptiness his presence gave and left.

Sleep is my escape to him. Whether its flowers and love, or darkness and rejection, it all reminds me that even just once, he wanted eternity with me.