My Ninth Bad Decision

I let you in my home
I took you upstairs
I let your hands wander my body
I let you kiss and undress me
You traced my curves and kissed places I’ve never been kissed
You entered my body hungrily
I said your name
I held your hands
I looked in your eyes
Three things I’ve never done before
I let you use my body how you wanted to
I gripped the sheets
I pulled your hair
I scratched your back
I wrapped my legs around you
You finished
We got dressed
You left
I regret
I regret giving in when you hurt me
I regret not saying no
I regret falling in love
Love
I realize I’m in love
I know you aren’t
It hurts
A pain I never wanted to feel again
It’s not easy
It’s never easy
But I love you
And I’d do it again

You know how to get what you want
You know what to say to get me to smile
Your hands were so soft and strong
Your smile was so sweet and inviting
Your lips were like soft pillowy clouds
You hair was jet black and long like Jacob from twilight
Your eyes said the things your mouth didn’t
Your voice is my favorite thing, you have a deep ringing sound with a heavy accent
The way our bodies collided
We were a perfect match in so many ways
I thought I knew what I was getting into
But still, you blindsided me
You wanted to be with me until you didn’t
I thought I’d be fine
I was fine
Until that day
Tuesday, June 9th 2020
It was different
But if I could go back
I know I’d do it again
I want you
I will for a while
Until I don’t