My Old Friend

Like an old friend, I invited you in. 

We had long coversations that never ended in laughter.

You painted sorrow onto a canvas and offered it to me as a present. 

You kept me up late, and we would talk about a future we both know would never come, and after several exhausting days and nights, you got too tired to keep me awake so we slept. 

When we finally did sleep, we slept for so long my mom got concerned and came to check on me because I was in bed sleeping for fifteen hours and she thought maybe I wouldn't wake up this time, most times, I wished I wouldn't wake up. 

You paralyzed me in the morning, making sure to give me a daily note of how I wasn't good enough to make it in this world, I wasn't strong enough for it. 

You plagued my head with thoughts of self hatred, ripped open my heart lacing it inctricately with TNT, then you carefully sowed me back up, almost as if you were trying not to harm me. 

You let the TNT explose inside of me, demolishing what little left made me feel. You didn't care how much I hurt, you never did. 

You slammed the door to my social life shut, and offered me drugs and alcohol in place of my friends, almost without hesitation, I chose the drugs and alcohol. After all, my friends didn't really care about me, it was all lies in the name of pity, or so you told me.

You liked to dance a lot, you gracefully twirled me around and held me close as we danced to songs of grief and lonliness. it make you appear beautiful, I felt I was attached to you, almost like I was incomplete without you. 

You chained me up, so I couldn't be free, it was like you owned me. You wore the key to my shackles around your neck and showed it off like it was something to be proud of. 

Sometimes, when you got angry with me you hit me. Left me with invisible bruises that only I could see. No one else knew, just how you liked it. 

You became a nightmare that never went away. But you became my favorite nightmare. I got used to you, when you weren't there, I wasn't sure how to act, but you never left for long, you were always back within the hour. We became best friends, I got so used to you that you became me. I was you. 

Then one day you left. 

I felt lost, I forgot how to act, my emotions no longer existed and I felt empty. I grew stolkholm syndrome and I longed for my captor of many years. I missed you, and I needed you. 

However

I was forced to move on, i went to therapy, got pills that were supposed to help me, and eventually, I got better. I didn't think about you as much, you became a distant memory, you had a small spot inthe back of my mind. 

But one day, there was a knock on my door, and when I opened it, there you stood, and I invited you in

Like an old friend.