To my pain

To my dad

I know you did not mean to

And I know you said sorry

But part of me will always be wondering

Do you really think I’m worthless?

Did you mean to make me cry?

Did you really mean to leave us all alone?

Did you mean to leave mom out to dry?

When you screamed

Did you understand what you were saying?

The way you slurred your words

Was terrifying.

Did you mean to hurt me emotionally

Did you mean to hurt him physically

I know you thought you had good intentions

But one drink,

And you lose all of them

You told me you loved me

And you said you were sorry

But you did not stop

You kept going.

I didn’t understand this.

The constant pain.

The way you made everyone feel

We felt betrayed.

Betrayed by the bottle in your hand

Betrayed by the signs

Betrayed because we thought you loved us

Betrayed because all of that was a lie

You said you would change.

and you truly tried.

But in the end,

our love couldn't outweigh the high.