My Person

I have a person,

Not the person you think I’m talking about

She follows me around

Wherever I go

Convincing me that I’m not making the right choice, like a salesperson

She lingers not far behind my step, everywhere…No matter my route

Whispers awful things in my ear, like “Those shoes make you look like a clown”

She can read others minds. She tells me about that too. “Don’t even try, he thinks you’re a hoe”

She sits, in the throne in my head, she tells me how to feel

She decides when I will cry, or smile, or sleep, or eat.

Sometimes, she leaves her seat as the world goes on around me and I don’t know what to do.

That usually ends in a very long shudder, until she comes back and tells me to shut up.

A very long shudder. Can’t breathe, can’t focus, just sit there, looking like a meal

Until she comes back. She knows she controls my very essence, she’s very conceit.

There’s no making her go away. I need her. When I needed her to tell me what to do, she knew.

She beats me up, calls me names, runs my life, keeps me and my freedom on lockup.

I never know how to feel about her, she’s a bitch, but she is my brain.

I cannot go without her, so I guess I just live through the pain.