My Process.

I am Mad I am Sad I Feel Betrayed I fell Violated I feel Bitter I feel Petty I feel Nothing I am mad that you think it’s okay to treat people this way . I’m mad you lied to my face like I don’t understand, I’m mad you led me on once again thinking we could finally get it right . More than anything I’m mad at myself for believing in a person like you. I am sad. Sad because our son will never get to know what having an amazing father will be like. Like you never did. Sad our baby boy cries and hurts because you can’t be there for him. I’m sad because I’ve let him down as his mother. I feel betrayed. Betrayed because the most beautiful and amazing moments of my life I have shared with you and you take them for granted, and share them with someone new. Betrayed because I was an open book with you. You knew my fears, goals, and mind. I was completely naked with you and not just physically. You got a taste of my soul, Then spit it out for your new flavor. I feel violated. Not only have I expressed myself to you, you take it for granted like I was nothing. You were able to get close to me, even at my lowest. Now you try to use that against me, For your own pleasure. You now tell your new flavor everything about me exposing my hidden self. Laughing at and judging the clay person you helped mold. I feel bitter. I have hate and so much ugly in my heart I’m not used to it. I stay bitter from all the things you’ve done, for not having any consequences for your actions. For lying over and over like its second nature to you. I’m bitter because you allow Others to come before me ( when we were together ) and now before our son. I’m bitter with the way you have treated me I swallow my pride and let the hate and ugly overcome me. I feel petty. I hope the absolute worst happens to you. I hope you go to bed lonely and cry yourself to sleep. I hope you hurt the same pain our son does knowing you aren’t around. I hope you go nowhere in life. I hope the black hole where your heart is supposed to be devours you entirely, ridding the world of at least some hate and ugly. I feel nothing. After letting myself feel everything and let it absorb into my soul I am numb. No feeling to get upset, or to want revenge. Just nothing. I’m now at the part of realization, reflection and then growth. Getting it all out so I can start over. Clean slate. Grow from it and learn. Nothing is as it seems. Things happen every day and it can almost kill you…..But only if you allow it to. Now I’ve gotten the hate and ugly out of my heart and I’ve cleared my mind to move on. You have to pull away to move on. Escalation sometimes calls for separation. I am happy , I am healthy I have a roof over my head and food in my house. I have happy, healthy babies at home. I work hard for the money I make to provide my kids with the things they need. Blessed not stressed is the best to be.