My PSA
I’ve been to see the doctor,
to be honest that’s not like me,
but lately I spend ages in the loo at night,
trying to have a pee.
So I thought I’d better go get it checked,
maybe find out what could be done,
and I have to tell you it was quite a surprise
when the doc put his latex covered finger up me bum!
It has to be said I wasn’t expecting that,
it came as quite a surprise,
and as he rummaged about in my rectum
it brought tears into my eyes.
““Yes there’s a swelling there
which might be a carsinoma,
better get some tests done,
and by the way, you’ve also got a haematoma!”
So I went and had a blood test
to check my PSA,
the nurse she told me to relax,
that she took blood like this every day.
But she looked so very young,
barely out of school,
she might use me as a dart board,
I just tried to keep my cool.
She assured me that it would be ok
that she would be quiet amazed,
if a fit chap like what I am
had a PSA that was raised.
But Sod’s law it does tell me,
that the latex covered finger of fate points at me,
and that I’ll be tested for prostrate cancer,
fingers up me bum for all eternity.
But I was wrong you see,
it wasn’t a finger at all,
but a plastic knob shaped tissue cutter,
that shafted me as I faced the wall.
I have to say that even with the local anaesthetic
the first cut brought me out in beads of sweat
and by the tenth one I tell you
I could have broke down and wept.
For the next week there was blood,
in my wee and in my poo,
and I rarely sat down I remember,
for a day or two.
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