My Senses Working Against Me

Touch.

I glide my fingertips over my thighs.

I feel where my skin had once stretched.

I’ve lost 10 pounds this month.

But is it worth it?

Sight.

I look into the mirror,

Society has projected self hatred onto me.

I feel like child's alphabet mat with foam cut out letters.

I am the letter G crammed into the cutout for letter C.

But is it worth it?

Smell.

I don’t leave my house for dinner.

Maybe, if I avoid the smell of nutrition’s temptation,

I can be skinnier.

But is it worth it?

Taste.

I am hungry.

I haven’t had a full meal in four days.

I eat a packet of peanut butter crackers for dinner.

That should hold me over.

But is it worth it?

Hearing.

Speaking out loud,

I falsely assure myself.

“300 more calories for the day!”

“Just have some water.”

But is it worth it?

I have withered away into nothing.

But that’s the goal,

Right?

My brain screams at me to snap out of it.

I can’t continue like this.

I gradually practice self care.

Day by day,

I welcome the stretch marks with open arms.

It means I am providing my body with what it needs.

I am worth it.