My Story

day by day,

I am reminded of who I am.

Night by night,

all I have is you by my side.

Not being able to understand why.

I can't quite help but be ashamed of what you have done.

Day by day,

I am reminded of who I am,

Night by night,

I have to endure the pain you have caused.

I sit in silences while everyone judges.

"you would look so much better if you were skinnier"

Day by day,

I am reminded of who I am.

Night by night,

I have to fight these thoughts.

Sitting in the doctors offices almost every other day.

Getting poked at with needles, and them asking "if you are feeling okay?" 

Day by day,

I am reminded of who I am.

Night by night,

I sit in silence while you scream at me telling me "I am not enough"

Medication after medication,

Feeling as though I am a lab rat in a cage.

Not understanding why they haven't found a cure.

I am stuck with this disease inside.

I am stuck with this endless war.

No one can see, and no one can hear.

I am stuck with PCOS

That will be with me until my last breathe.

See ten percent of females are diagnosed with PCOS.

We are not like the rest.

We are reminded of this diseases everywhere we go.

From the way we are seen to the way we are mistreated.

We are not less than the women society makes us seem.

Nor are we lazy, or fat.

We cannot just "lose weight"

We cannot just "get over it"

It is a constant battle we deal with on a daily bases.

From seeing different doctors to being consumed by the different medications they throw at us.

This disease is an uphill battle that is never ending.

The body is your temple, and you're supposed to protect it at all cost. 

But what if your body goes against itself? 

what do you do when all the bad things in this world makes your body sick to it's stomach. 

But all you want to do is sit there and eat and eat until your stomach is filled up like a balloon that is ready to pop.

What do you do when your body and mind can't get along.

One moment you think you are comfortable in your own skin believing for one second that "hey maybe this isn't as bad as it seems" but then the next moment it hits you like a hurricane.

"You have to lose weight"

"You will never be like the rest"

When the thoughts in your mind runs faster than the heartbeat under your skin.

When the people around you believe that the reason you are obese is because you are lazy, and can't help yourself.

When the hairs on your skin grows faster than never before, and your body weight can no longer be controlled.

What does one do when they are cursed with this disease that has no cure?

What does one do when all they ever wanted is to be like the rest.

Be able to wear bikinis, and not be embarrassed of the hairs on their skins or the dark marks on their bodies.

Or be able to eat whatever the hell they want, and not fear that they will soon be hospitalized because the food that they put into their mouth starts a war in their bodies that soon will attack every inch of their body until there is nothing left.

What does one do when all they ever dreamed of was to have one of their own, and able to watch you as you grow old. Be able to hold your little hands, and feet. Be able to teach you all the lessons that we have learned. Be able to hold you tight, and tell you how much we have loved you from the day we found out until the end of time. All we want is to watch you grow into the beautiful human being you were meant to be. But that dream soon becomes a nightmare, and all the baby names you once plan becomes the blade that cuts into your heart every time you hear their names. The thought of you becoming a mother turns into a tsunami of tears streaming down your face. Because of this disease you are no longer able to have your own, and your dreams becomes a lost star sucked into a black hole. Where all of the dreams you once had for your future baby vanishes into the darkness.

Day by day,

I am reminded of who I am.

Night by night,

I have to try to survive another day with you by my side until the day I die.