My Thoughts
Now I am alone
And the only words I can hear are my own
The ones that echo through my head
Ricocheting to all corners of my mind
I try to mute the silence but it is too loud to calm
Too loud and too strong
I can’t help but break under the pressure, under the pain
Pain of silence that screams in my ear
The scream that reminds me that I’m alone
Alone is not bad, alone is okay
But, okay will not comfort me when my mind explodes
And the silence takes hold
Leaving me bruised and broken on the floor
Clinging to a hope that dissipates with each minute
Each minute that passes and I’m lying on that floor
The floor that punches me with its cold unforgiving tiles
The tiles that cut me till I bleed and cry out in pain
A pain so harsh and real
A cry so loud no one can hear
And so powerful it shakes me to my core
No matter how loud I wale I’m mute
Mute in the silence for my thoughts have taped my mouth shut
Shut so that no one will know,
No one will judge and say “attention seeker”
I can’t breath in my thoughts but I rather suffocate
Then be called “hypochondriac or self-ish”
My self-pain should not inconvenience anyone but myself
My burden is my own to bare and not the hypocrisy we call society
I am a prisoner to my own body
A victim to my own crime
A skeleton to my thoughts
And a blemish society turns away from
Society so self-consumed in the newest trends and newest celebs
A society where the most watched television program is the SuperBowl,
While the State of Union is barely addressed and people ask who’s Malala
Or a society that values girls as objects and girls that allow that to happen by strutting a stage barely dressed or comp
Whatever happened to chivalry and the boy chases girl?
Whatever happened to holding her door not slapping her face?
Whatever happened to guys who prefer love to lust?
Whatever happened to gentlemen?
What happened to the society where values mattered and people were judged on their personality not their looks?
What happened to interaction between people not hiding behind a text to have the courage to say what you want to a person?
I can’t speak my feelings
I can’t describe the feeling of the blood that trickles down my side
Because the words that are trapped in my mouth know the repercussions for speaking out
Self-expression is murdered by violence
And words murdered by terror
For some believe that words are as powerful as bullets
And drawings as powerful as guns
You see the problem is there’s no longer respect,
No respect for people’s beliefs
No respect for human dignity
No respect for individuality and understanding
But those who kill in the name of peace are nothing more then killers themselves
They shatter peace with the blood they spill.
So when I say a hypocritical society I speak of not just those who support girl power but allow themselves to be subject to sexual stereotypes or guys that call themselves gentlemen but rather close the door on a woman before holding it
When I speak of a hypocritical society I speak also of those who kill for peace
For even a first grader knows that peace cannot be achieve through violence
Or stubborn men, self-ish and close-minded individuals, who refuse to adjust
And learn something new
Something that may better not just them but society!
So I suffocate in my thoughts
Because if I say one word I’ll regret it before the last syllable leaves my lips
My tears are my little refuge to save me from impending death
And my blood on the cold tiles remind me that I’m not dead yet
A death that will smother me in my screaming silence.