My toxic trait is

My toxic trait:

 

My toxic trait is that I argue with God

Ya know the alpha and the omega 

Jah, Allah, and Yeweah

Arguing with why he gave me such amplified emotions 

Empathy and Love turned into giants 

Giving the beginning and end a wonderful show 

I have made my bed with the ground under me watch and praying one of them don’t step on me 

My toxic trait is 

That I want to be right all the time 

I just wanna look into someone’s eyes and wonder what they think about me, how they feel about me wondering if they want to taste me or not 

Trying to find the narrative that gets told in every session 

Looking my therapist in the eyes trying to see if he is watching this fight with me 

Against me 

I cry when he not looking and zoning out when he is 

Staring him in the eyes searching through his genetic code for the answers he can’t give me 

My toxic trait is that I want to leave 

I want to leave this ugly world behind and shine a line into my own planet

Where food is not the problem, where water flows through everyone 

Where you look into someone’s eyes and see security 

Love is what they call it 

My toxic trait is that I argue with God 

Mad that I can’t see him face to face wondering if he can hear me or not

Distracted by unclear signs 

Wondering if I come to him would it all make a difference 

My toxic trait is that I’m healing 

Knowing that in order to fight the giants that make me I must let them in 

I must not see them as my gargantous enemy but the carnations that surround me already. 

My toxic trait is that I argue with God 

And not talk to God 

Argue with love 

And not talk to love 

Fight with intimacy and not embrace intimacy 

My toxic trait is…