My Unconsious Self

Today is my cheat day,

Or maybe my cheat week,

A smirk of a smile,

Of diets and exercise I do not speak,

The guilt forgotten because I seek,

The delicious foods no longer I sneak,

Past the desire to feed that hunger of greed.

Secretly it is a lie within itself,

Is is a yearning to be obsessed?

A cry for help, no longer I felt

That safety of control

For it has taken a time crunching toll

On my physical goals.

The mind plays tricks on a weak will,

Cursed the imagery that my brain instills,

The fattening, sugary trick or treats,

Like a placebo pill that fails to fulfill,

A psychological ill that only craves for more.

I’m bored.

Not of hunger, but a dissatisfaction that every college girl can understand,

The busyness in a day,

Crammed with papers, bosses, and charity.

I ran.

For relief I found in food,

A taste of heaven to lighten this stressful mood.

But, it can become out of hand,

Surrounded by temptation on a land

Of abundance and waste.

A chance I do not stand.

So do I join the band,

Of diet jibberish and bodybuilding fans?

Calorie talks, fat complaints, AND

I blank. Because I am numb

And tired of this hedonic treadmill, a rule of thumb

To just give up and add to this growing sum

Of unhealthy burdens.

Only to start back over,

To relive the cycle of a food lover,

A pushover, a fake cover

That conceals the true inner

Self.