My Walk

What do I regret? Let me count the ways. I look at this blank page, the unfilled space, I can barely muster the strength to go on I wish I could be like Christ. The Perfect One, The Sinless. But I am wallowing in my sin With barely any of the strength to go on This poem could go on forever like the power in His hands. Yet I am small and insignificant in the world, wanting for the strength to go on. A mask am I for the broken city inside. Once pure, once innocent. But that had vanished like the morning dew. O, the strength to go on. Whirlwind of emotions day to day, minute to minute. Every problem arising like the waves on the shore I like the sea. It has the strength to go on The Callous Ones Christ said He would send from Him, at the golden gates. Will I be one of those? Cowering in the face of Death, gnashing my teeth, abandoned. There will be none of the strength to go on My muscles burn, bones shake, joints creek. Yet I am only a girl, not an old woman. Smiling faces around me shun my fear, my regret, my shame. Where is the strength to go on? It is in the meadows, across the treetops in the depths of the sea and scents on the wind His Majesty's court, I feel like an infiltrator of He who created the strength to go on They say to wait, to take a step back and wait, to remember what Christ has done for you and continues to do. I know this. But I get so scared sometimes that I can barely find the strength to go on I am not depressed, but the oppressed and the oppressor. I try to let myself go from my pasts but cannot seem to shake them they follow me wherever I go, needing the strength to go on The only place I am free is in conversation, in the church, in the friend group. When I am alone, or my thoughts stray for a moment, is the time that fear rears its head and I almost lose the strength to go on But I WILL hold onto Him If only a finger, a nail. I have to. Like the ocean deep and wide Are the Deceiver’s ways of Throwing those who wish for The strength to go on. This is my prayer, my psalm. I do not pray much, but this will be my act. It has been a long time Dear Father, but I must try to hold on to the strength to go on.