my wish for happiness

I'm not sure when it started, or why it is so strong.
On the outside I seem happy. No one thinks anything's wrong.

But on the inside I am dying, screaming for someone to see
That the happy smile and carefree laugh is not the real me.

I've never been happy, not that I can recall.
Between the world and myself I've built up a bullet wall.
to block the world out, far away from me
so i am left alone just to be me

I don't know why I'm like this, it makes no sense to me.
I actually come from a very close and loving family.
But even they have no idea of the hell I endure.
They think I'm happy and normal; of this I am sure.

I can't take it much longer, I can't live like this! 
I want to feel just happy, that is my biggest wish. 

I need help, but who will help me? Who could understand?
Is there anyone out there who can help bring this to an end?

Or am I simply trapped, a prisoner of despair?
Am I really all alone? Is there no hope for me out there?

I'm so lost, please help me! I can't do this alone!
I need someone in my corner, so i'm not all alone my own. 
Please help me.